Getting away with murder; and why it should not happen

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Like all of our community, we are deeply saddened by the death of an Autistic child whose mother has been subsequently charged for his murder.

The greater tragedy surrounding the murder of this little boy is that it is unfortunately far from being an isolated case. This is rarely reported in mainstream news, and all too often when it is, the blame is laid at the feet of the murder victim as a burden to society.

This victim blaming culture is most visible on social media, where people flock to express their sympathy and empathy for the perpetrator, raising them to the status of a martyr. Phrases such as “mercy killing”, “they are in a better place”, and “what else could they do?” flood our newsfeeds, while the Disabled community’s voice is dismissed as “not understanding how hard it is to be the parent of a severely Disabled Child”.

Disabled people are parents too. Generations of families live with severe genetic conditions, many of which are hereditary and vary in their severity of their presentation. We are quite aware of “how hard it is to be the parent of a severely Disabled Child”.

At Autistic UK, we believe we echo our community’s voice in condemning these insidious attitudes often voiced by those who are not parents of Disabled Children.

Our current societal culture has developed the ability to see Disability as a reasonable excuse for murder. The pervasive view that the caregiver has no other choice needs to stop. There are always choices; even the perceived failure of giving up your child is preferable to murder. Murder is never acceptable.

We would suggest that other options include:

Seeking professional help:

1. taking the child to hospital

2. taking the child to a police station

3. taking the child to a fire station

4. taking the child to social services

5. dialling 999 if you feel you are about to harm your child

6. calling your GP and telling them you can’t cope

7. contacting disability charities and their associated support networks

These services and routes all lead to a Safeguarding Duty. Everybody in the public sector has responsibility under this duty. Duty holders must act in the best interests of the child.

Informal help:

1. seeking help on social media and/or websites – there are lots of support groups out there whose members will have similar difficulties

2. family and friends

3. contacting disability charities and their associated support networks

4. finding a local support group

5. open your web browser on any device and search “help with <insert name of disability>” – there will be a number of results providing details of support networks

Where specific support organisations don’t exist, there is always Unique, a Charity dedicated to supporting families of children with extremely rare genetic conditions.

For further information about this, please visit https://blog.theautismsite.greatergood.com/caregiver-murder/.

If you are distressed or affected by  the issues discussed in this statement, you may wish to contact one of the following support helplines:

Samaritans: Telephone 116 123

Shout: Text “Shout” to 85258

Papyrus: Hopeline UK Telephone 0800 068 41 41

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: Telephone 0808 2000 247

Childline: Telephone 0800 1111 (they also take calls from adults concerned about a child)

Cruise Bereavement: Telephone 0808 808 1677

Most of these organisations also have a chat function on their websites. In order to maintain your confidentiality, many of their telephone numbers will not show up on statements and may not be traced back to them in your call logs. You can find details of this on their websites.