Safer Internet Day 2021

Common mistakes we all make, and how to rectify them

This guest piece was written for both Autistic UK and ALN-Cymru Home Education and Educated Other Than At School (HE & EOTAS) for those who need more information about how to keep themselves (and their loved ones) safe online.

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We all like to think we know exactly what we’re doing online, but the truth is we could probably all make some changes to better protect ourselves and our loved ones. Here are some common mistakes we could all make when using the internet, and some quick and easy ways to rectify them.

Using the same password for everything

I get it: you have a hundred different accounts, there’s no way you’d remember that many unique passwords, and nobody has the time to manually change them all. So ask yourself: which accounts would I most hate to lose? Personally, I wouldn’t care much if I lost the account for a forum I haven’t posted on for years, but if I lost my email or my online photo albums I’d be screwed.

Once you’ve identified your most precious accounts, log in and find the Security settings (often this can be found by clicking on your username and selecting something like ‘manage my account’). Even if you really don’t want to change your password, there will usually be something you can do here to make your account more secure (and aid in recovering it should it ever get hacked).

Top Tips:

  • Ensure your details (particularly phone number) are up-to-date.
  • Enable 2 step verification: your password will no longer be enough to access your account. If signing in from a new device or browser it will also text you a code to prove it’s really you.

I know I shouldn’t use the same one for everything, but I have trouble remembering multiple passwords.

Don’t worry; you’re not alone. But there are a few simple tricks you can still implement. Let’s say my password is bakedbeans

  • Add capitals, symbols and numbers: Baked.Beans123
  • Add the first few letters of the website to your password. For example, my Facebook password could be Baked.Beans123face while my Twitter password could be Baked.Beans123twit
  • Install a password manager app such as LastPass. This will save many a headache as you’ll never need to remember another password again: it auto-generates complicated passwords for everything, stores them securely, and inserts them for you. All you’ll need to remember is your one master password which unlocks the app. LastPass has a mobile app too, so you can access your passwords even if you’re away from your computer.

Not Switching Off

Did you know that part of your brain can’t distinguish between the stress of being on the lookout for a sabretooth tiger and the stress of being ‘on call’ for message notifications? As far as it’s concerned, you need to maintain vigilance so it’ll keep you from getting too relaxed until it feels the situation is over.

“These constant alerts jolt our stress hormones into action, igniting our fight or flight response; our heartbeats quicken, our breathing tightens, our sweat glands burst open, and our muscles contract. That response is intended to help us outrun danger, not answer a call or text from a colleague.” [1]

Now, that’s useful if you ever find yourself in a dangerous situation, but it’s a lot less helpful when you carry the source of that stress around with you 24/7.

“It sends our brain into overdrive, triggering anxiety and stress, and at the very least, hyper-vigilance, which is meant to protect ourselves from predators, not the phone,” Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD, a licensed psychologist and professor at Columbia University in New York City, tells Bustle. “The alerts from phones or even the anticipation of them, shuts off the prefrontal cortex that regulates higher-level cognitive functions, and instead, forces the brain to send emergency signals to the body.” [2]

Top Tips:

  • Disable stressful notifications.
  • Change others to something less intrusive (turn that loud ‘PING!’ into a gentle, brief chime).
  • Set “sleep times” on your device, or have periods when you enable Do Not Disturb mode with emergency exceptions (that way you don’t run the risk of missing urgent calls).

Eternal Scrolling

You know when you’re reading in bed and your eyelids get heavy, but you say to yourself “I’ll just finish this chapter before I put the book down”? That doesn’t work when you’re scrolling through social media. There is no end of the chapter. Go to sleep; the internet will still be there when you wake up.

Furthermore the blue light will keep part of your brain active, making it harder to enter deep sleep when you do finally drift off.

“Blue light suppresses the body’s release of melatonin, a hormone that makes us feel drowsy. While this may be helpful during the day, it becomes unhelpful at night when we’re trying to sleep. Being exposed to blue light in the evening can trick our brain into thinking it’s still daytime, disrupting circadian rhythms and leaving us feeling alert instead of tired.” [3][4]

Some people find it helpful to not keep their phone charger beside their bed to remove this temptation.

Acting Before Reading Closely

I was sitting in the front room when my phone buzzed: “We just tried delivering your parcel but you weren’t home. Please click here to arrange redelivery.” I was furious! I’m right by the front door; there’s no way I missed the doorbell. That delivery driver is a liar! I was so fuelled by moral indignation that I almost didn’t check before clicking the link… it was a scam.

Acting before taking the time to investigate is so easy to do, and it can have disastrous consequences. We are much more vulnerable to this trick when we’re angry. “What an injustice! Take action! Sign this petition! Retweet this!”…whenever you see something like this, take a breath and a step back, and see the whole picture first. Is this angry Twitter message accurately representing the situation, or are they just swept up in somebody else’s misinformed outrage? Oftentimes it’s the latter.

Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.

Seen an outrageous article? Before you share it…

  • Read the full article. Headlines can be misleading.
  • Check the date. Is it recent? If not, is there a follow-up story you should read first?
  • Is it satire? Sites like The Onion, Satiria, The Babylon Bee, etc are comedy websites written in the style of actual news articles.
  • Is it reported on multiple, unrelated news sites?

Seen a great offer? Before you buy it…

  • Google the company and read some reviews. Sites like TrustPilot are great for this.
  • Even if you know it’s legit, taking the time to think before hitting Buy is still a good idea. There might be a discount code available (Honey is a great place to check).

Got a message telling you to input your password, credit card details, etc?

  • Follow it up independently. Instead of following the link in the email, open a web browser and navigate to e.g. the National Lottery website and sign in that way.
  • Look for legal blurb at the bottom of the email. If there isn’t any, be concerned.
  • Poor spelling and grammar are often a dead giveaway that an email is a scam and not official.
  • Look at the email address (not just the name) of the sender. Does it look official?
  • Hover your mouse cursor over links to see the URL. If it says the link is to Amazon, you’d expect the link to begin with ‘https://www.amazon.co.uk/’. If it begins with something completely different, be wary.

Mistaking the Internet for Real Life

Social media is an echo chamber by design (all this means is you tend to surround yourself with and follow like-minded people). Its algorithms will bring things you’ve expressed a prior interest in to the forefront of your attention until they’re almost all you see. Engaged with a few posts about cats? Pretty soon you’ll see a disproportionate number of posts about cats. That’s not to say the topics you read about aren’t important, but be aware they are likely over-represented. What seems like a huge problem among your mutuals on Twitter may be a very real problem, but it possibly isn’t as big (or well-known) as your Twitter experience makes out. Log on with a different account to test this theory if you’re not sure: often, if it’s a well-known pressing issue then more groups of people will be talking about it, not just your bubble.

Top Tips:

  • That Instagram picture of your friend with the perfect life is not indicative of reality. To paraphrase Steven Furtick: Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.
  • The more you engage with a topic on social media, the more of that topic you’ll see. Read depressing news, the more depressing news it’ll give you. Engage with at least one positive post (this can be as simple as Liking a cute video or something) to counter each depressing one so your timeline doesn’t look like it’s the apocalypse.

Reading the comments

Here’s a rule: if you’re likely to feel angry or upset about divisive comments on a particular topic, don’t read the comments. No matter how hard moderators try and keep things civil, comments sections on the internet are – and always will be – cesspits. Swarms of people (sometimes called ‘trolls’) are attracted to comments sections, and they have no intention of listening to others or changing their views; they are there to stir up anger. If you do decide to dip your toe in to a comments section, think of it like quicksand: remain calm, balanced, and know when it’s time to leave. Don’t jump in and thrash about angrily or you’ll be sucked in and consumed by the anger (which is what the ‘troll’ wants).

Posting Publicly

Be careful of sharing family photos and personal information. Yes, it’s lovely, but just be mindful of who can potentially see it: if something is public then anyone can see it, even if they don’t use that platform or have been blocked.

It’s easy enough to crop or add an emoji to cover up something in a photo, such as an address or school uniform logo.

Leaving Our Kids Unsupervised

The internet can be an amazing place to nurture a young mind, but it can also be harmful. As they get older it can be particularly challenging to juggle their independence and growth with our responsibility to keep them safe. Every issue we have covered in this article applies tenfold to young people: if you find it hard to stop looking at your phone at night, for them it’s almost impossible.

Fortunately there are some great tools parents can make use of. Microsoft Family Safety is a great place to start: it will let you set screen time limits, limit access to certain games/apps/websites, and more. Many devices have similar family controls, such as PlayStation Family Accounts. Additionally a lot of Smart TVs let you add PIN restrictions to particular apps (e.g. Netflix, YouTube).

Common Sense Media is a great resource for parents wondering whether a particular game/show/movie is suitable for their child.

Here are some resources for young people who want more information about how to stay safe online:

https://www.meiccymru.org/when-to-block/

https://www.meiccymru.org/be-aware-of-your-online-safety-tips-to-keep-safe/

I Will Not Stand By This

I will not stand by this.
Written by Bex Ryan

Today marks the month and the week
I must do something so important to me
Do you wonder how much I feel in my body?
Do I do what people think what I am doing
I leave that with you to think about that.

I thought so long to saying this
A new month will be the beginning of my journey
The steps I take in and the words I hear I breath out
I meant every word what I just said.

This week has finally come
I must do something about that
Something I really care about
Do you know what that could be?

The strength I take in
That thought came to me just in time
I feel this is the right time for me to write this
I do wonder myself if this is the right time for me to
do this now.

I will not stand by this no more
I will strive my best at work
I will join in
I will come to you and you come to me
You brought this to my attention.

We will be together
We will have each other
We might have more friends we thought we did
We will have the world and the people
For month and week, we all care about it.
This is important that we all take part in this.

Anti-Bullying Week 2020: United Against Bullying

I started writing a piece about how our online community looks after its members and where improvements are desperately needed, saying bullying should be called out at every opportunity. About half way through my third paragraph (bullies using the internet as a shield), when I found I needed to write about something I have never admitted in public before.
 
I have a bully.
 
Our community is blighted in a way rarely spoken of, particularly on social media. This Autistic community is made up (mostly) of vulnerable adults Yet too often, we see these personal attacks and hide to avoid being collateral damage. The bullies only see a self-satisfying, point scoring exercise in cancel culture and one-upmanship; whilst the silent majority remains that way out of fear. We all have enough problems IRL without some troll behind a keyboard doing their damnedest to destroy you, in order to satisfy their own twisted, selfish desires.
 
My bully thinks of themselves as a paragon of virtue, a person to be respected; a self-appointed Crusader who enjoys bullying through selective PMs suggesting inside knowledge, posing as a victim, posting slander, hints of wrongdoing without proof. Most advocates and activists find this this device to be anathema, but it is the mainstay of this bully’s armoury. I make no claim as a paragon of virtue. I’m Autistic. I’m as human as the rest of you, so I’ll not name my bully just yet, but you know who you are. Don’t you?
 
My bully came about when a group I was in tried to discipline them for bad behaviour. I wasn’t involved the second time, but it didn’t matter. With two others, I was targeted. The bully’s emails were accusations of damaging their reputation and engineering their expulsion over the informal warning they received from others. Complaints of how we had done this out of jealousy of their success. This became weeks of personal abuse, accusations and threats, usually many times in a day. They claimed innocence of all wrongdoing,, demanding full retractions of this and past ‘false’ complaints, demanding a public apology from us for suggesting they had behaved badly. The fact we could do nothing didn’t matter to them.
 
Think on that.
 
To prove their innocence, they relentlessly bullied 3 uninvolved persons for weeks, making baseless accusations and repeated, dire threats, to satisfy their Ego. Reminding them their accusations meant we could not deal with their complaint had no effect, those who gave the informal warning were ignored. Finally, we 3 made a bullying complaint and they resigned to avoid exposure. So started an online campaign of innuendo, hints of wrongdoing and insider information with no facts involved. Just constant, malicious gossip.
 
This continues to this day.
 
The effect on my health was stark. Some colleagues helped, some hid and pretended they ‘knew nothing about that’. I had MH problems, I became hyperalert and unable to avoid meltdown, suffered insomnia and inertia with 4 months off work this last year.
 
I’ve had enough of being a Troll’s victim. I thought “publish the emails, drag ‘em into the light”, so they can be exposed, removing their power. Then I thought, unannounced like that would be unkind. perhaps even bullying, so I keep to common decency. Something my bully lacks. Meanwhile, if anyone has ‘learned’ anything about me recently they want clarifying, just ask. I will answer honestly. My bully relies on my silence, which I now break.
 
Dear Bully, you are warned.
 
I’m fed up of being disparaged by this bully. I work bloody hard for our community and don’t get paid very much or often. This work, which mostly happens out of sight of social media, in the NHS and various Strategic Authorities, doesn’t make me special or important. I am only one of thousands who do this month after month across the UK. My work has finally got me to where I can do some lasting good; and the bully is back. For some reason, they need prove they’re ‘better’ than me; little more than Ego with a dash of narcissism. They can’t bear people they dislike having success, so they go about pulling those they perceive as competition down. A bully.
 
This stops now, as I will go public if they continue. I give fair warning. Got that, Bully?
I’m standing up to my bully and suggest others do, too. A bully’s power is nothing when they’re exposed. We all make mistakes. FFS we’re Auties, it’s in the job description! However, no-one deserves to be bullied for them. I prefer collaborative, constructive effort and the internal satisfaction good results brings. I don’t do this work for online celebrity and I certainly don’t do it for the money!
 
So; next time you are offered a PM or asked to join a private group to hear insider information or gossip about someone you may not know or have not met, that the PMer won’t discuss openly or include their victim in the conversation, think:
 
Am I helping a bully?
 

Anti-Bullying Week: willow’s Blog

I am an Autistic advocate and a lived experience advisor, and this means that I am expected to put myself out for public scrutiny. There are those who think that as an advocate you have to share every aspect of your life there are also negative individuals in the world who will create their own version of your story to point score and turn people against you or just to create drama and scandal.

This week is anti-bullying week and at Autistic UK CIC we have a hash tag:

#IHaveABully

We are going to be sharing useful information on the different types of bullying, and we are also putting together a list of up to date resources to add to the Autistic UK CIC website. We will be delving deeply into this subject looking at everything from definitions to long term impacts.

Some of us feel strong enough to share our stories on our blog and this is my attempt to put my thoughts together in a clear way. This has been such a difficult post to write and it has led to a lot of flashbacks and tears. I have c-PTSD from years of bullying and trauma because of my differences, and I am not ashamed to say that I still have scars.

It’s not easy to talk or even write about bullying as an adult. It’s one of those unspoken subjects; a taboo.

As an advocate I have many people who share their stories of bullying with me and some of these cases have been extremely distressing. In five short years I have heard of multiple cases where bullying has been relentless, and it has had long term impacts on individuals’ wellbeing. Sadly, I know of several cases where bullies have pushed individuals into taking their own life.

People often perceive bullying as a childhood problem, but many of the experiences shared with me have been by adults who are experiencing bullying now. Just as Autistic children grow up into Autistic adults, those who were bullies during childhood carry their ways on through to adulthood and one bully can affect many people. They do a great deal of damage and adult bullies become very good at hiding their attacks, often presenting either as a perfectly charming individual or even portraying themselves as a victim themselves to gaslight their victim and observers.

Being out as an Autistic person makes me open and it makes me a target. I think this is something that we as advocates don’t talk about enough.

During my years as an advocate, I have become very mindful of the fact that there are different types of bullying and have seen it playing out in too many environments. It has become ingrained into our society and I am not immune.

I was bullied as a child, so I know the long-term impact this has on an individual. Since becoming an advocate I have had a couple of bullies who lurk in the shadows waiting for when I am at a low ebb to have another stab with their knifes ,usually in the back may I add.

One thing I am always very mindful of is that there are two sides to every story and those who are so quick to throw stones often live in glasses houses. I am the type of person who collects all the stones that people have thrown at me to build a protective wall because I have learnt all about bullying. I use that knowledge to protect myself now, but it shouldn’t have to be like this.

Grown up bullies use covert methods as bullying often becomes more strategic in adult bullies (think of corporate bullying and competitor bashing). Often there is an ulterior motive especially in employment settings, business, and not forgetting the world of social media which is a subject all of its own.

I am seeing so many of my friends and colleagues having to deal with bullies and witch hunts across social media that I have absolutely no motivation to reach out to anyone on these platforms other than those I trust. I haven’t been attacked directly yet, but some close to me have and I know it will only be a matter of time. I won’t even go onto Twitter because in my opinion it has become the modern-day version of the stocks. One thing I have noticed is those who criticise tend to do it late at night when the person receiving the criticism is either asleep or, when awake, in a less resilient frame of mind so are less likely to challenge the perpetrator.

For a long time, I let other people’s negativity, bitterness and narrow-minded perceptions stop me from sharing my views and using my voice. I would let the things people said really get to me and would spend days worrying about how people perceived me.

I have removed a lot of people recently from social media as I have constantly had people trying to draw me into their arguments and group attacks. That really does not work with my mindset. People who know me will understand why I need to protect my own health and well-being and will actually make the time to engage in discussion rather than just lurking around for when they want to throw in negative jibs. I have a really strong scaffold of people around me but over the last few months I have definitely pulled away from more and more platforms which are become toxic an inhabited by trolls.

Our whole lives do not need to be shared on social media for us to be active citizens and advocates. There is a big difference between giving up your time to bring about systemic change and spending your whole life attacking and criticising on social media, just because another person’s experiences don’t fit into your narrow experience.

I find it especially distressing during this time that people feel they have a right to criticise and condemn without even checking their facts first. So many people are dealing with challenges created by COVID-19. We don’t know what anyone is having to deal with behind closed doors, and all this nastiness and underhand bullying is just adding to the stress levels.

It’s really not clever eating your own, especially when you only have half facts and hearsay to base your defamation campaigns on. The pandemic has already divided communities and that is the last thing we need. We can’t allow  our social structures and support systems to break down because it lessens our voice.

Those who are buying into this mindset of ganging up on others are not helping anyone. While people are fighting amongst themselves, they are not focusing on the good of society or the future issues that we are going to have to deal with. I refuse to interact anymore with people who are purely  focusing on their own personal vendettas.

We all have a choice of paths we take in life and I choose the one that leads to compassion and empathy, not criticism and condemnation.